Practising Bliss

The lady I worked with for the first time yesterday asked me if I was a girl.

I asked back, "What do you think?"
Without hesitation she said, "I think you're a girl."
My back was sweaty by this time but I managed to keep a smile on my face. I said, "I'm a guy."
I got curious and asked "What made you think I was a girl?"
She said because my skin was nice.

That was the end of the conversation and I didn't think about it during the rest of my working time.
Coming back from work, I began to think "Does everyone think I'm a girl????"
I thought back and remembered that a guy said I looked "young."(Because my voice isn't deep like a real man.) Another lady asked if she should call me "Mr or Ms." The more I thought about it, the more it seemed that I don't pass as male.
I felt like my confidence was beginning to crumble.
I didn't want that. I wanted to remain in the happy state that Matthew Ferry took me. I was scared of feeling unhappy and realize that MF doesn't always work.

But I thought being unhappy is fine. If I wasn't able to be unhappy, that would be creepy. Having emotions is natural. It's how you pick yourself up.

So I thought, "What would Matthew say if he was coaching me personally?"

I had learned from MF that the Drunk Monkey (that's what he calls the negative talking in my head) is only there to protect me from what won't happen.
Wondering if my other colleagues think I'm female is irrelevant. The Drunk Monkey is doing its routine "what ifs" to try to scare the "real me" and make me self-conscious. (*1)

So I decided to ignore the Drunk Monkey and turn the situation into a positive energy.(*2)
I am looking forward to the day that I finally start taking testosterone. (*3)
And I am not going to think of this colleague who thought I was a girl as an enemy. (*4) The more negative experiences I have for being a transgender person, the more I will appreciate it when I become who I become in the future. (*3)

By changing my perspective, I was able to change my unhappiness to happiness. I actually put MF method into practise!

(*1) Awareness.
In a recent post on Matthew Ferry Blog, he wrote, "Awareness of the nonstop talking machine in your head, which I call The Drunk Monkey

The Drunk Monkey is that talking in your head, that little voice, the devil inside, the commentator, the judge, the jerk, the nasty person who won’t shut up in our head…The one you have mistaken for yourself.

The talking in your head is not you, it’s biology.

The talking in your head is not you, it’s a survival machine."

(*2) Flexibility. In the same post, he continues, "Awareness of that gives you flexibility, and flexibility gives you options…"

(*3) Options/Choice
"Options mean you have a choice.

Choosing new perspectives on the situation empowers you and makes you feel good. "

(*4) On the last day of the 15day e-course, he said,
"Whatever is offered, take it.
Whatever is suggested, do it.
Whatever happens, declare it perfect."
I was chosen to work with someone who asked what my gender was. I took that person as a friend. I declare that perfect.


I'm not afraid to be unhappy.
Because I know how to turn it around.

Only 2 more months to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited. That's all I can say.

I'm looking forward to EVERYTHING that's going to happen from July 2nd.

I thought this was amazing.

For anyone who doesn't know, this is the pink triangle, the symbol that was sewn onto the uniforms of homosexual prisoners in Nazi concentration camps, we took the symbol, and made it into a positive symbol.


This was posted by Wipeout Homophobia On Facebook.

I had heard about gay people were imprisoned by Nazis but I didn't know there was a sign for it. And actually seeing it.... It's powerful.
Seeing is believing.

1 Wisdom Tooth Gone.

It's scary to know what's going on and not know what's going on at the same time.
I knew that my wisdom tooth was taken out.
I didn't know what the dentist was doing to my tooth as a process. I was like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE DRILL!!!!??????"

Now it's over.. I go in tomorrow to check there aren't any infections. We haven't decided when the other tooth will be taken out.

Dear Blogger

PLEASE FIX THIS SYSTEM SO THAT PARAGRAPHS ARE VALID!!!!! IT'S SUPER UNDRAMATIC WITHOUT PARAGRAPHS!!!!!!!!!!

Did I save the day? I think I did!!!!!!!

I was dealing with the cash machine all day today. 13:15-21:15. Standing up all that time..... My legs are aching!!! Anyway, two Chinese customers came to buy the same exact thing and they couldn't speak Japanese and there was a bit of a confusion. I noticed a little after that one of the guys had left his small paper bag on the counter. I reported this to another lady who was at the cashier and she phoned the service counter so that they could make an announcement. I didn't think they would come back if they did that---the guys clearly didn't understand Japanese! A few minutes passed and they still didn't come, so I took the item to the service counter. But about another 30 minutes later, one of them came back to buy something else. After he paid, I told the other cashier (just to make sure) that "I think this is the person who forgot the bag." She tried to talk to the guy but he couldn't understand. This is where the superhero (me) comes to the rescue!! I talked to him using my superpower called "English," (the Chinese guy happened to speak English) I told him that "I think you or your friend forgot a bag here when you came to buy something earlier." He said "uummm I don't think so... Might have been my friend. I'll ask him" They came to the conclusion that they DIDN'T forget a small paper bag. They walked away. Superhero FAIL... NOT!!!!! The 3 minutes later, the guy who bought something twice came running and said "I forgot my glasses! My glasses were in that bag you were talking about!!!!!!!" I felt very satisfied. :-)

Matthew Ferry Review

I finished the 15 days of strategies to keep me inspired and in action toward my dreams now. Gee, I remember the whole title now! I didn't think listening to this would change me at all. I just started listening to be positive. I mean, it's free, what would I lose? So, as you could see from the previous posts, I've done some assignments of the course. I didn't do all the things Matthew told me to do. It may be coincidence but good things have happened to me since I started listening. It could be just luck or a matter of timing so I don't know if they happened because I took this course. That doesn't matter. What matters is, this course made me change my perspective on my life. I'm more grateful about things in my life than before. Not just "I'm grateful of everything I have," but "I'm grateful for this and this and this in my life." That's a definite change that Matthew did. I became overwhelmed with thankfulness the other day that I sent a "thank you e-mail" to my friend/life savor I wrote about on this post. I think I became overwhelmed because I was grateful. Conclusion: I recommend Matthew Ferry's 15day course. Note:It's been more than 2 weeks since the last e-mail of the course and after that, I expected to get advertisements. I've received 6 ads so far. Also: He didn't tell me to write a recommendation blog post!!!!! I honestly think it's worth trying.

5 Words That Will Give You Instant Power

5 Words That Will Give You Instant Power

Empowering Questions

What am I grateful for? What can I be proud of? What am I good at? What makes me better than everyone else?

Cooking/Quake

This is what I made for dinner today. Spaghetti Neapolitan... Yum. I found another spot where the earthquake did some damage. Looks like the whole bridge moved!

Tattoo

Something that has been fascinating me lately is a Tumblr page dedicated entirely to people's tattoo photos. It's interesting to see what people decide to put in their body. Some are well thought out and meaningful to them and some are done just because it's cool. Those are the dumb ones. My favorites are the ones with description below the photo. It represents something that's significant in their life and I get to know how it is significant.

May & June

I asked the manager yesterday if he is still going to employ me until the end of June (he said he would when we had the interview). He said yes. He's thinking of letting me sell melons!!! We are going to talk about the schedule on the 14th. I was relieved to hear this because I thought he might have changed his mind after this whole earthquake/tsunami tragedy. Had he said no, I would have to stay at home and sometimes go to World Vision and translate letters again (I'm not saying I don't like doing it. It just that the train fee is expensive as hell.) HOWEVER, I also need to review maths before I go to the UK. It's unbelievable how rusty it's gotten since I last studied it which was last November. I don't remember how to integrate and stuff. There is a test before foundation course starts and if my academic ability is much lower than what the papers I sent them showed, I will be sent back home!! How embarrassing is that!?!?

BTW

It's not my fault that the previous post only has one paragraph. Blame Blogger.

4 Days Left!

It's unbelievable how quickly this job is ending... I now know what's going around the delivery counter but now it's all over! I go in on 9th, 11th, 14th, and the 18th is my final day. How sad! This job experience has been a very busy one. I've never been busier in my life than when I'm working at this supermarket. I mean, the job at the post office wasn't THIS busy. There's something or other that needs doing at the supermarket and it has to be done quick because there's more to come. I think studying at school was NOTHING compared to this job. I wouldn't have known what it takes to run a large organization if I hadn't actually taken part in it. M said it's better to work as a cram school teacher (over 2000yen/hour) because the pay is waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy higher than AEON (900yen/hour). But in my opinion, the experience is more valuable right now. Ok, I DO want the money but still, you can't buy experience. This job also gave me confidence because I overcame obstacles of doing new stuff (if that makes sense).

I worked 11 hours today............

And I'm EXHAUSTED.